Archive Posts
Latest Posts Published in this Archive

Humor Archive Quote No. 12,288

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. – Mark Twain Quote No. 12,280

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. – Mark Twain Quote No. 12,279

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. – Mark Twain Quote No. 12,271

There are lies, damned lies and statistics. – Mark Twain Quote No. 12,268

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. – Mark Twain Quote No. 12,232

“Worry is just meditating on shit.” – Thanks for Sharing

“If at first you don’t succeed, then maybe you should do it in the way I told you to in the beginning.”

“I don’t have pet peeves, I have a whole kennel of irritation.”

“I hope I never go to jail because I haven’t memorized a phone number since 2001.”

“Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.”

“Technically grown-up, yet still have to chant, ‘lefty-loosey, righty-tighty’ to figure crap out.”

“Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says ‘Oh, crap, she’s up!’”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… or mad as hell, which would make you stronger because of your “hulk-like” anger strength.

Sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out.

“Okay. The best way to get over an it-doesn’t-matter guy is to find a new one. Preferably one who looks good bare chested in red suspenders.” – Beauty and the Beast

“He’s slower than a fat man encased in concrete being drug backwards.” – Secretariat

“‘Well, there’s two kinds of peeing,’ he said.  ‘There’s regular peeing, because you have to pee.  And then there’s auxiliary competitive peeing.  For acquiring an empire.  I’m all about the real estate.'” – Walking in Circles Before Lying Down by Merrill Markoe

“‘As a language purist, I can’t bring myself to say ‘grande latte,’ knowing that the rest of my sentence is going to be in English.'” – Walking in Circles Before Lying Down by Merrill Markoe

“I’ve always wanted to have a phone call with somebody who doesn’t talk.” – Beginners

Ways to Know You Were Born in the ’80s –

Ways to Know You Were Born in the ’80s You were upset when She-ra, Princess of Power and He-man got cancelled. Snap bracelets were always getting you in trouble at school. You played with My Little Ponies. Friendship bracelets were ties that couldn’t be broken. You know all the words to “Ice Ice Baby.” You [...]