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Humor Archive

"Stop the world -- I wanna get off!"

"If you be sugar, I'll be spice; if you be fire, I'll be ice; if you're cold, I'll make you hot; as long as you give me all you've got"

"Charlotte: I'm so confused. Is he gay or is he straight? Carrie: It's not that simple anymore. The real question is; is he a straight gay man, or is he a gay straight man? Samantha: Hopefully, he's a gay straight guy, which means he's straight with a lot of gay qualities. Whereas, a straight gay guy, is just a gay guy who plays sports and won't fuck you." - Sex and the City

"People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them." - Gilmore Girls

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"Some guys say 'Suck It!' I say no thanks I tend to choke on small objects."

"Don't waste precious time crying, spend it preparing yourself for the next jerk that tries to break your heart!"

"Alex Goran: He broke up with you by text message? Ryan Bingham: Wow. That's kind of like getting fired over the Internet." - Up In The Air

"I'm not completely insane, maybe just a little crazy."

"And my English teacher, my English teacher, expects me to write my life story in ten sentences. I mean maybe I'm missing something here, but who has a life like that? I mean just figuring out what to wear in the morning takes twenty sentences." - 90210

"There are a lot of ways to grieve... but, last time I checked, wheelbarrow-style wasn't one of them." - Scrubs

"I didn't know Uncle Sam was into drugs and bondage. Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the 'I Want You' poster, doesn't it? " - Smallville

"Cinderella is proof that a pair of shoes can change your life."

"I can feel my sperm dying inside of me, one at a time." - Made of Honor

"It figures. I invite a boy to a party, and he brings his boyfriend." - Dawson's Creek

"You can tell a man 'I hate you,' and you'll have the best sex of your life, but tell him, 'I love you' and you'll probably never see him again." - Sex and the City

"Never knock on deaths door. just ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)."

"I'm a biological underachiever. And it's ironic because that ovary went to Harvard." - Sex and the City

"Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember." - Sex and the City

"Be nice to other people, they out number you six billion to one."