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Things to do for a Dateless Valentine’s Day

Things to do for a Dateless Valentine’s Day Wear black, and lots of it. If someone else in the office has received flowers, chocolate, singing telegrams, and other forms of dating expressions, glare at them. Snarling and grunting optional. Same goes for anyone wearing excessive amounts of red. Especially if they are wearing heart-shaped items [...]

The Art of Peeing –

The Art of Peeing Written to a woman who accidentally walked into a men’s restroom… Please don’t feel bad, lady. It wasn’t you entering the men’s washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It’s rare for us guys to ever hit what [...]

"Jorge: Why are you laughing? Sebastian: I'm just very immature." - Marley & Me

"A girl only needs four animals in her life. A Jaguar in the garage, A Mink on her back, A Tiger in bed and a Jackass to pay for all of it."

"Daytime TV isn't just a guilty pleasure. It is crack cocaine. You try and break the habit." - Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis

"It's pretty funny how when you're trying to get over someone and then you see him again and it's like you're hit in the face with how gay he is and you just wanna throw up for ever liking him, but you can't take any of that back-all you can do is hope that he is suddenly attacked by a large animal."

"It's a small world, but I wouldn't wanna paint it!"

"Rusty, I can't go to jail! I have serious food allergies!" - Greek

"Cinderella is proof that a pair of shoes can change your life."

"I can feel my sperm dying inside of me, one at a time." - Made of Honor

"It figures. I invite a boy to a party, and he brings his boyfriend." - Dawson's Creek

"You can tell a man 'I hate you,' and you'll have the best sex of your life, but tell him, 'I love you' and you'll probably never see him again." - Sex and the City

"Never knock on deaths door. just ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)."

"I'm a biological underachiever. And it's ironic because that ovary went to Harvard." - Sex and the City

"Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember." - Sex and the City

"Be nice to other people, they out number you six billion to one."

"I heard the sad sigh, I see your shoulders are slumped, and I'm aware that you have some whiny-ass problem that you want to talk to me about because you probably think it'd be cathartic to get it the hell off your chest but believe me it won't be. What you've got to do, for me, is the healthy thing. Keep all of your feelings bottled up inside where they so belong! " - Scrubs

"That sound that you're hearing - you know that boom? That's my mind blowing." - Alias

"I'm afraid you have me confused with somebody who gives a crap. And it's okay, you don't need to be embarrassed, turns out it happens all the time." - Scrubs

"Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kiss you twice... and then linger a long time on the second kiss." - the holiday