Archive Posts
Latest Posts Published in this Archive

Humor Archive

"When the sun comes up, I have morals again." - Elayne Boosler

"I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting." - He's Just Not That Into You

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."

"Opportunity does not knock, then knock again, then leave a note saying 'sorry I missed you.'" - That 70's Show

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allan Poe

"It's like trying to fit a cream puff through a key hole." -Sex and the City

"My boyfriend kisses much better than yours."

"He's the cutest, sweetest, nicest, greatest, most romantic, most insensitive jerk I have ever met."

"when the most exciting thing on TV is Eminem and Elton John. . . you know you've got a problem." - Pacey's Rants

"Tank: I would kick you in the ass, but my foot might get sucked in. Alexis: Well I would kick you in the dick, but my foot might get Herpes." -My Best Friend's Girl

"We don't devote enough scientific research to finding the cure for jerks." - Calvin & Hobbes

"Yo, I'm Casper, give me four! Man, I'd kill for a pinkie." - Casper

"Dude, he's from Indiana. They only celebrate Love Your Cousin Day." - Valentine's Day

"If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny." - jack handy

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"People don't like me. You know why? I'm a 'screw-up', always 'have been'. For instance, when we were kids, Mom would always make me walk Johnny to school first day every year. Every year, I'd walk him to the wrong school! Just 'cause!" - Scrubs

"Well, I'll just jump off that bridge when I come to it." - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards." - RA Dickson

"Screw Snapple, I'm the best stuff on earth!"

"Lena: How do you say "lost pants" in Greek? Yia Yia: Greek girls do not lose their pants!" - Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2