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Humor Archive

"I'll tell you what, if you look me in the eyes and you tell me that you're really ready to start something right now... we won't even need a cab - I will, like, I will throw you over my shoulder and just sprint the twelve miles to your house! " - Scrubs

"Is your vagina in the New York City's guide books? Because it should be. It's the hottest spot in town. It's always open!" - Sex and the City

"You know what? I can get a couple guys to go to his place, knock on the door and when he opens it wham! We junk-punch him in his man buisness and he'll fall to the floor crying "why?!" and then we'll say 'you know why!' Huh?" - What Happens in Vegas

"Go ahead and talk about me, but bitch I got advice. Click your heels together and say 'I need a fucking life.'"

"Love and law are the same, romantic in concept but the actual practice can give you a yeast infection." - Ally McBeal

"Boys don't kiss and tell, they kiss and exaggerate."

"He said, 'Don't let the future destroy your past.' I said, 'Don't let the door hit your ass!'"

"I find it best when dealing with any unfamiliar bully to strike early with sarcasm. It makes them wonder whether I have some secret butt-kicking prowess they're unable to detect." - Everwood

"A man loses his sense of direction after four beers. A women loses hers after four kisses "

"Screw Twizzlers! I'll make your mouth happy!"

"Charlotte: Wait a second, I thought you were serious about this guy, you can't sleep with him on the first date. Miranda: Here she goes again with 'The Rules.' Samantha: The women who wrote that book they wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad." - Sex and the City

"Me and my girls don't gotta mack it, we just simply sit back and attract it."

"We're going to have so much fun, we're going to need plastic surgery to wipe the smiles off our faces." - Chevy Chase

"When life hands you lemons ask for a fifth of tequila and salt!!"

"While waiting for the right guy to come along, I'm having lots of fun with the wrong ones!"

"What does a snail have to do to reincarnate? Leave the perfect trail of slime?" - The Bucket List

"Miranda: Oh I'm sorry Steve, I'm an asshole. Steve: Yeah you are, but you're my asshole. Miranda: That's sweet, and gross, at the same time." - Sex and the City

"Charlotte: You'd dump a guy because he was a bad kisser? Samantha: Honey, you have to. I mean, if their tongue is just going to lay there, what do you think their dicks are going to do. Carrie: Point taken." - Sex and the City

"You are a dirty little fun-haver." - failure to launch

" I really like him, Rory. I can't help it. And it's been a really long time since I've felt like this. You can't always control who you're attracted to, you know. I think the whole Angelina Jolie/Billy Bob Thronton thing really proves that." - Gilmore Girls