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Humor Archive

"You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better." - Confessions of a Shopaholic

"There's a real big gap between getting your ass kicked and having a dancing, singing sprite fool you with trickery and then strike your throat before you even know you're in a fight. But I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand that, because all you do is make moves from up in your ivory tower." - the break-up

"Oh, you guys have an inside joke. How absolutely wonderful for you both." - Lost

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

"That's French! The French are coming! I've never been so happy to hear the French!" - Lost

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away from him and you have his shoes."

"Look, in your virgin mind, women are like these mythical creatures... Like unicorns! With breasts! But let me tell you something: that's a myth. Women are just normal people with breasts." - Greek

"All things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."

" I'm sick of reality. I want a Fairy Godmother."

"Always wear cute pajamas to bed cause you never know who you'll meet in your dreams."

"You can't make up for sixteen years of ignorance in one week." - 90210

"Gosh, there are so many mean, jealous, annoying, and uncaring guys to choose from. What's a girl to do?"

"I'm so bloated and gassy, I'm like a flotation device." - Sex and the City

"now, come one.. you think your life is bad? girl, you're crazy. you should feel bad for an egg. it only gets laid once."

"First of all, there's the weather. In November, you get excited as you wait for the first snowfall. . . In December, you get holidays, presents, and time off from school. By January you start itching for winter to be over, and then you hit February and you end up late to class because your sister's car is snowed in. Just when you've had it to here with the crap, mother nature sticks you with another pointless month, and you can't even enjoy President's Week because you're stuck doing school assignments anyway, and even if you weren't, it's too cold to leave your house. Then there's the 28 days thing. Sometimes it's 28, sometimes it's 29 - and either way it's 1-3 days shorter than a normal month. So how come it feels about eighteen times as long? I'll tell you why. Cause it's freaking cold, man!" - Pacey's Rants

"The navigation system speaks. It has a British accent. I distrust it immediately. It sounds too smooth. Like a player." - Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis

"If the ocean were liquor and I were a duck I would dive to the bottom and drink my way up. But since the ocean ain't liquor and I'm no duck, pour me a shot and let's get fucked up."

"Prince Charming probably would have turned out to be a dick anyways."

"Charlotte: Jack says I have a fire inside me. Carrie: Tell him they make a cream for that." - Sex and the City

"The minute someone shows a little enthusiasm the cynics of the world get nervous." - 90210