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Humor Archive

"Chloe: Do me a favor, okay? Just keep a low profile. Oliver: I'm wearing green leather, so I'll do my best. " - Smallville

"Reality: an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol."

"This song is an excellent cure for the will to live." - Definitely, Maybe

"You're not even interesting enough to make me sick!" - Cher

"I'll tell you one thing, when your boyfriend is so comfortable he can't be bothered to wipe his own ass, that's the end of romance." - Sex and the City

"You know a lot of people say that college is a time when young men and women expand the way that they look at their world when they open their mind to new ideas and experiences and when they begin that long journey from the innocence of Youth, to the responsibilities of Adulthood... now isn't that a load of horse shit!" - accepted

"I'm not conceited, I'm just simply aware of my sexy little self."

"Angel in your eyes, devil in disguise!"

"I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'm determined to get it right."

"He's a guy. Nothing they do ever makes sense." -Felicity

"I bet you've got some seriously kinky skeletons in your closet." - Grey's Anatomy

"Just because I'm moody doesn't mean you're not irritating."

"There's one questions I have just been dying to ask. Does Santa wear boxers or briefs? " - Christmas Caper

"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up." - Ogden Nash

"Three out of four people are crazy. My three best friends are fine, so it must be me."

"Why is it that you can shoot ducks in duck season, but you can't shoot tourists in tourist season?"

"did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? 'whew, I thought I would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a Danish!'" -seinfeldism

"Never drink to feel better; drink to feel even better." - How Do You Know

"OK, new rule. Whenever one of you comes over to the other's house, the excuse has to be at least plausible. You may as well have said, 'I'm here to fool around.'" - Party of Five

"Have a nice day, somewhere else."