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Humor Archive

"Go get him, there he is. If you think that's the great love of your life, then great ... grab a liver treat and a squeaky toy and run to him. " - Gilmore Girls

"'A label peeler, huh?' Will asks. I nod. 'In college that meant a girl was easy.'" - Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis

"You're a Mormon. Compared to you we all have a drinking problem." - Burn After Reading

"They practically chased me with torches like I was fuckenstein." - Sex and the City

"I got lost in thought. It was an unfamiliar territory."

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

"Women's faults are many. Men have only two. Everything they say and everything they do."

"I'm gonna kill you. One night in your sleep, a slit throat maybe, or a screwdriver to your temple. Be ready." - Dawson's Creek

"Give it to me straight: virginal bride or slut in white?" - Chaos Theory

"If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not." - jack handy

"Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back."

"I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in."

"Life was so much easier when boys had cooties."

"I'm smiling because you're crazy and that's what you do to crazy people to keep them calm." - Gilmore Girls

"Elizabeth Swann: There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing. Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by." - Pirates of the Caribbean

"that's a bad guy, that's a really bad guy! Did you see his face? His head looks like one of the Easter Island heads!" - Get Smart

"Most of you are watching this show so you can learn how to get chicks. Well let me assure you, you're in good hands. You're looking at a man who personally has had sex with over 137 different women, most of them conscious. Now we're here at the balloon festival and I'm supposed to be telling you about how men are full of hot air, but I think we all know it's the ladies that are full of crap! Just because she says 'no' doesn't mean she means 'no.' If that were the case, I'd have only 90 women." - The Ugly Truth

"My whole life just flashed before my eyes! I gotta get me a life!" - Buffy

"We wear these clothes and this make-up for other women more than for men. Men don't care. They just want us naked."

"I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk -- alcoholics go to meetings."