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Girls Poker Night by Jill A. Davis Archive

"Everyone's always concentrating on first love. No one seems to care much about second love. Or third. Or fourth love. First love, that's the one that's always celebrated and documented like it never happened before to anyone, anywhere. It's like the firstborn: you take a million photographs of the kid, and then the other ones come along and it's like you can't be bothered to take the lens cap off." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"'makes men more realistic about relationships when they know they can actually fail.'" - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"of course, there is safety in numbers... you can never really focus on one person if you surround yourself with the masses." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"'at least your heart knows what it wants. I mean, even if you are incapable of accepting happiness. At least some part of you is working toward it.'" - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"it's a refining process, though, falling in love. what didn't work the first time won't work the second time. or the third. but in fourth love there will probably be aspects of first and second." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"So I didn't break up with him. and that got him all optimistic, because he really started believing we were going to get married, mainly because when he'd say, 'do you think we're going to get married?' I'd say, 'oh, definitely.' I'm so bad like that. I mean, I can't help it. I just hate letting people down. Besides, I knew he just wanted me to stay because I was leaving." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"And I think this is funny, kind of. Him leaving. Like he's trying to make some point. And of course he is trying to make a point. But I haven't a clue what the point is. So I guess he didn't win that one. Anyway, I pretend not to notice he's gone." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"human beings have a scary knack for recognizing the competition." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"I learned to be unfaithful from my parents. Not infidelity in the classic sense -- but I was always prepared for the unhappy ending, which made me less willing to work toward a happy one. I was unfaithful to the idea of a well-adjusted future." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"when you run into the later loves, that's when things get scary. I mean, it's at that point you've got a potential keeper on your hands. and to me that means: run for your life; it could be final love." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"I've always avoided fights. I make jokes instead. I tell people what they want to hear in order to avoid a confrontation. I pretend to want things I don't want, and I pretend not to want things I do want. no one gets hurt. except me. the lines are so crossed and blurred at the point that I don't know what I want. I just know I want it to be easy." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"anyway, what i mean is, i could be attracted to him, but only if he were very single. i mean, if his girlfriend died in a horrible car accident or something left him a widower, i couldn't fall for him. I'd worry he'd love her forever and cry whenever he opened the closet and saw her dead dresses just hanging there, and I'd be like the second-runner-up in love. and i'm way too insecure and competitive to sign up for that kind of nonsense." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"somewhere in the not so dark recesses of my mind, I believed that the excitement surrounding the avoidance could never really live up to itself if a, um, let's call it a situation, ever occurred between us. we'd watered it all down with anticipation. robbed ourselves of whatever the prize was supposed to be." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"but it doesn't even have anything to do with him. it's easier this way, because when he fails all the tests, i won't be disappointed, because they were set up in a way to ensure that he would fail. and, in turn, i would not be disappointed by the outcome." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"I'm sad that this is the kind of person I am. I am a person who will stay in a relationship for three years because I know that this relationship will never hurt me. I will park my love here because here I will never experience great joy, but more important, I will never be devastated. the dissolving of this won't be painful at all. it will just be a formality. a formal ending to something that barely or never existed." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"i think it's completely wonderful that he sees my flaws so easily and has no problem hammering on and on about them." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"when I'm really serious about making this love thing work, I start bargaining. maybe we all do. I gather up my vices -- sugar, buying houseplants and then never watering them, cynicism -- and promise to abstain from all three in exchange for a new, more optimistic prospective. a life that works." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"you don't need to know that up until i met him, my life's goal was self-preservation. and that when i met him, self-preservation was genuinely lonely." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"that's what people do -- they move into their new life and disassemble the old life in some ungrateful way and leave it out by the curb. like it never served any purpose at all. like self-preservation is some frivolous little thing." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis

"i find saying what's on one's mind can make one wildly unpopular." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis