Humor Archive

"Go get him, there he is. If you think that's the great love of your life, then great ... grab a liver treat and a squeaky toy and run to him. " - Gilmore Girls

"You're a Mormon. Compared to you we all have a drinking problem." - Burn After Reading

"I got lost in thought. It was an unfamiliar territory."

"Women's faults are many. Men have only two. Everything they say and everything they do."

"Give it to me straight: virginal bride or slut in white?" - Chaos Theory

"Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back."

"Life was so much easier when boys had cooties."

"Elizabeth Swann: There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing. Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by." - Pirates of the Caribbean

"Most of you are watching this show so you can learn how to get chicks. Well let me assure you, you're in good hands. You're looking at a man who personally has had sex with over 137 different women, most of them conscious. Now we're here at the balloon festival and I'm supposed to be telling you about how men are full of hot air, but I think we all know it's the ladies that are full of crap! Just because she says 'no' doesn't mean she means 'no.' If that were the case, I'd have only 90 women." - The Ugly Truth

"We wear these clothes and this make-up for other women more than for men. Men don't care. They just want us naked."